mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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