Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize