Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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