I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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