Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
