I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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