those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
