he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have post one night stand depression
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
