I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
