You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
