After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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