Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
