Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
