dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
