Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize