I must be too annoying 4 u.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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