One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
