How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
