didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
