They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
