Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
