He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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