like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
