I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
