What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
