Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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