So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
