I just cut my nipple shaving
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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