so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
