Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
