We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
