how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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