Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
