Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
