3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
