You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
