You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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