I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize