uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize