I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
