Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
