So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
