Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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