You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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