i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
