i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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