Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
