I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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