i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
