Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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