When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
