Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
