some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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