i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
