you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
