You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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