I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
