I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize