I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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