True but thats because hes a fetus.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
