he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
