i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dick very happy bro
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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