4 words: hood of his car
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
