tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
