Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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