I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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