you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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