I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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