i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize