If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize