i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
