I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
